Should you prioritize your grieving father-in-law or the comfort of your children in difficult times? That was the question posed by u/plznothereaita on the popular Reddit group “Am I The A**hole”, where it garnered 4,000 upvotes and over 1,000 comments.
In the Reddit post titled “AITA for refusing to let my husband move his dad into our house”, the OP mentioned that his stepmother passed away recently which had a devastating effect on her husband and father. “My husband is still struggling and I have done my best to be kind, supportive and understanding,” she wrote. “But he’s been less attentive with our 3 kids (14F, 12M and 9M) and I’m pretty sure he’s also having difficulty at work, but he won’t admit it. He started therapy about a month and goes there once a week.”
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“Watching my husband deal with his grief has been difficult”
She further details, “A few weeks ago he told me he wanted his dad (75 million) to move into our house. He said his dad was struggling too and that being in the house that he had been sharing with his wife for 50 years – years does him no good He had a whole plan in place so it was obvious to me that he had been planning this for a while without telling me.
The woman also explained why she was reluctant to let her stepfather move in. “He wants his dad to move into the room we just moved our middle child into last summer. kids can have their own space.He wants to force our 2 youngest to share a room again so his dad can move in. He also wants to talk to his dad about putting their house on the market or possibly renting it out, that which means FIL would be here long term.”
The OP objected to her husband’s plans and told him that “not much time has passed since his mother’s death and it is too early to make such drastic changes in everyone’s life”. Additionally, “Watching my husband deal with his grief has been difficult, especially since it affects his ability to be present with me and the children. I really don’t want a grieving second man in our home. I also really don’t want to kick our middle child out of the play we just made especially for them. It’s not fair to them,” she added. However, she didn’t say so. to her husband, fearing that he would think she was selfish.
Redditors flocked to the post to express their sympathy for the OP, with the majority calling it NTA (Not The A**hole), although a significant number of users also felt there was NAH ( No A **holes Here) and tried to empathize with her husband too. One user wrote, “NTA at all. After my dad passed away, my mom was suggested not to make any major life changes for at least a year. He might make a rash decision because of his grief and end up regretting He should send his father to a bereavement support group or perhaps counsel as your husband does.
Meanwhile, someone came up with other solutions. “NTA. It’s not selfish to want your future son to have his own room. Find an apartment near you, take dad there. Invite him to visit you a few times a week. There are many ways to solve this problem that does not involve filling your house with people and disrupting your family life,” they pointed out.
A Redditor provided a different perspective, writing, “I’m going to go NAH He’s thinking about the wellbeing of his dad and you’re thinking about the wellbeing of you and your kids. It’s a tough decision to make but you” I will have to make one soon. I suggest being completely honest. Not in a mean way, but if it really has an impact on your children’s well-being, it needs to be taken into consideration. Can another room be turned into a space for him to keep everyone happy? Try to find compromises.
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